Ascetic life of motherhood

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Preparing for Birth

Destinie Winn

Preparing for Birth: The Birth of a New Mother

My own story: As I prepared to birth my first child, back in 2016, I was drawn to learning more about natural birth. In the years leading up to this, I had the marvelous opportunity as a birth photographer to be present during the births of a few close friends as they welcomed their babies into the world. I saw every type of birth - home births, hospital births, birth centers, natural birth and even births with epidurals. The labors were all different, but shared a similar intensity. In the end, when the child was brought forth, it was an indescribable joy! A joy that not only the mother and father felt, but everyone in the room felt too! These experiences changed me for the better and the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth stayed with me. These women were incredible, as was their support! Their intense suffering, endurance, and strength was a witness to me. There was something so far beyond the physical world happening before my eyes. It was a deeply personal and spiritual experience to witness and I feel honored that these women trusted me to join them in such an experience! One mother told me, “During birth, you feel like you are dangling between life and death” At times I could feel their fear, or even despair, and also experienced their triumph and joy! It was a rollercoaster!

Photo credit: Alexis El Massih Photography

A brief break between contractions and my pillow set up in during my very long labor with my oldest child

So back to my own preparations, from my experiences of observing these women, I knew that I wanted my labor to be a prayerful one, regardless of where I gave birth, with my focus on Christ and my dependence on Him. The closer we got to the due date, the more scared I felt. I didn’t know what to expect, not fully, but I pushed those fears aside as much as I could, knowing the Lord would be with me, and He would be my strength. 

I hired a doula to help me labor at home as long as possible, and when the time was appropriate, we would head to the hospital to deliver the baby. Everything worked according to the plan, except the labor was incredibly long. I labored in the comfort of my home for nearly 38 hours before heading to the hospital. Less than an hour later, she was born safely and placed on my chest. But during those long hours, I experienced first hand what those women experienced before me - fear, doubt, despair, triumph and joy! I remember leaning in front of my icons and staring into Christ’s face and the thought rushed through my mind that He literally died on the cross. Surely He knows a glimpse of the pain and sorrow I must be feeling. I asked for His strength! I remember a warm comfort rushing over me, as I imagined His hand softly cupped under my chin - it was such a vivid experience of the tender care of our Lord in that moment. I knew what my friend meant when she said she felt like she was dangling between life and death. My faith was the only thing holding me together, knowing the Lord had me in his hands, and that soon, so soon, I would be holding my baby girl in my arms. 

Just minutes after the birth of my oldest child, Elizabeth.

Birth is an incredibly formative experience for women. During labor, I was pushed beyond my limits of what I thought was physically possible to endure, and through that triumph, I had what I needed to begin my journey into motherhood. Spoiler alert: that theme of being pushed beyond my limits continues to resurface each and every day as a I mother these precious people God has given me to care for. But the beauty of it all is this: we aren’t solely relying on our own strength - we beg for God’s help and by His tender mercy and loving kindness, He fills in those gaps and gives us the strength we need!

If you are preparing for birth, I want to encourage you to prepare for your labor and birth - not only by understanding birth and the incredible process, but prepare by having tools (and support) nearby that will keep your focus on Christ and that remind us of our dependence on Him for strength!

My oldest daughter helping me hang up our Birth Affirmation Cards from Emilia’s Post

Spiritual Tool Kit for Birth

I titled this section: Spiritual Tool Kit for Birth because this is not a comprehensive “birth kit list” in the normal sense of the word. My focus here is to share some tools I have found that have assisted me spiritually during my last 3 labors and have helped me keep my focus on Christ. In making this list to share, I wanted to include items that can be used both in the home, and easily taken with you to the hospital or birth center as well. These items can be used by you or your birth support team.

What I have with me during labor to help keep my focus on Christ:

Scroll for More Details of Each of My Recommendations:

1.Prayers for Pregnancy + A Prayer for a Woman in Labor

I have found that having these prayers printed and ready to go, you can pray them yourself, or ask your birth support to pray them for you. Mine were purchased by Emilia’s Post as they were exceptionally beautiful! But you can find these prayers elsewhere online : Prayers for Pregnancy, Prayer for a Women in Labor (printable). Prayer is such a powerful part of the labor experience to keep our focus on Christ. In moments of weakness, I ask my husband or birth support to pray these prayers for me and it gives me strength, helps me connect once again with the task at hand. The Lord is quick to hear!

2. Fertile Ground - A Pilgrimage through Pregnancy by Laura S. Jansson, Published by Ancient Faith Publishing

If you haven’t come across this book, then I’m happy to introduce it to you! This recommendation is more for the months/weeks leading up to the birth of your child. This book is a spiritual guide book for Orthodox Christians as you journey through pregnancy and tells us about the significance of our actions as women bringing forth new life into the world. It is divided into sections from one milestone to the next so you can read just a little bit at a time. I haven’t come across a book of this nature previously so I was so thankful to get my hands on a copy this time around. It’s the perfect book for preparing for birth! Listen to a chapter from the audiobook Fertile Ground: A Pilgrimage through Pregnancy, written and read by Laura S. Jansson.

Find links to the print, ebook, and audiobook versions of Fertile Ground at store.ancientfaith.com/search.php?Search=&search_query=ground.

We hung them up using simple twine and clothespins

3. Birth Affirmation Card Set by Emilia’s Post

In preparation for my first birth, I created my own birth affirmation cards with words that I knew would be meaningful and pointed me back to Christ. I search on Pinterest for ideas, but at the time there were no such thing as “Orthodox” affirmations for birth. Kelsey, from Emilia’s Post, is a dear friend of mine and in fact, I was with her with the labor of her oldest son! She created these Orthodox Birth Affirmation Cards and they are not only BEAUTIFUL but they are filled with words that are a balm to a weary soul during labor. Read them yourself, or have your birth support team remind you of these words as you labor. Each woman is unique, as is each birth. Use the cards that resonate with you the most. Many of the cards will be uplifting and true for other stages of life — feel free to use them after as well!

4. Icon of the Theotokos: Helper in Childbirth

In my last 7 years of motherhood, I have owned 3 different copies of this icon, and I have found it in the most unlikely places! The first was a little beach shop in Southern California, owned by a Greek Family. I remember finding a small copy of it and cherishing it! I have used this icon for each of my births, as a reminder and comfort that the Theotokos is near, and she is quick to hear! At our parish, we have a sweet tradition of passing along this icon (and a few of these items) to each woman as she prepares for birth. This particular copy is from Uncut Mountain Supply, which I found during my visit to St Nektarios Orthodox Church in Charlotte, NC! You can find it elsewhere online by searching “Helper in Childbirth Icon”. It is a depiction of the Theotokos in labor with Christ our Savior.

5. Akathist to Matushka Olga Michael - Published by Ancient Faith

Perhaps a lesser known Saint, Matushka Olga is a priest-wife, midwife, and mother of 10 who lived in Alaska. She reposed in 1979 and was known to all as a holy-woman and saint. Although she is not canonized yet, we can still ask for her intercessions (her canonization is likely to happen in the near future as the first American-female Saint glorified)! She is a powerful intercessor, especially for those in labor. I love and cherish this Akathist. As I prepare for my own upcoming birth, I am asking for her prayers! You can find a copy of this Akathist through Ancient Faith Publishing.

6. Akathist to the Mother of God Nurturer of Children

If you do not own a copy of this Akathist, I highly recommend you get your hands on one! The prayers spoken in this Akathist are a balm to a weary soul and remind us of the task at hand when we are raising our children. In the back of the booklet, there are additional prayers including a Prayer for a Woman with Child. Have your birth team pray this over you as you labor and keep it nearby and visible especially during those hard days of motherhood. This can also be purchased through Ancient Faith and other retailers.

7. Holy Water, Holy Oil and/or Anointing Oil

I have found great comfort in having these resources nearby. The question usually comes up, “But how do you use these?” So here is how I use them during labor. I take sips of Holy Water, and I ask for my birth support and/or husband to put the holy myrrh we own on my forehead, hands, feet, and belly. When administering the oil, place it on your finger and make the sign of the cross over these areas. You can also rub holy water over your belly and other places of tension.

“But where do I get these things?” Holy water is available through your local Orthodox Church. Ask your priest for some if it’s not obviously available. Same for holy oil. There are some parishes that provide it to their parishioners, or you can find them at various pilgrimage holy/sites. That is how we have collected ours. For example, this tiny bottle of Holy Myrrh was collected from a miraculous myrrh streaming icon, which was given to us by a friend. You can request some of this particular myrrh HERE. I find that during labor all of my senses are heightened and the fragrance of the holy myrrh is very potent and brings my mind and focus to prayer. The same can be true with lighting some incense or a beeswax candle. We also have some anointing oil which can be purchased from Holy Cross Monastery. This is typically used for adding scent to your vigil lamps, but it can have the same affect as other fragrant smells that remind us of prayer when administered on the body. Throw them in your birth kit and bring them with you wherever you go during labor and delivery!

8. Create a Labor Playlist

My favorite thing to listen to (on repeat) during my last labor was Paraklesis, Small Supplicatory Canon to Theotokos on YouTube. But each woman is unique and will need something different during labor. Create a playlist of songs that will bring you peace as you labor. Some ideas include:

  • Paraklesis to the Mother of God

  • Orthodox Hymns and Chant

  • Prayers - by Eikona on YouTube

  • Reading of the Psalms

Consider the Environment: Creating a Prayerful Space

No matter where we are laboring or giving birth, create in your birth plan instructions for how you would like the environment to feel. Also be sure to communicate this ahead of time to your birth support team so they can uphold your wishes.

Consider the lighting:

In my experience, hospitals in particular, can be a bright, sterile and unwelcoming environment. I have given birth in the hospital 3 times so far, so here are some recommendations for you:

  • Request the lights stay off, or perhaps only have one small light on during labor. Again, all of our sense are heightened so having low lighting has helped me feel more comfortable and prayerful.

  • Bring some battery operated lights with you to set up in the room. I’ve used battery operated fairy lights, or battery operated (and waterproof) candles

At home - use candles, tea lights, beeswax candles, dimmer switches and fairy lights to make soft, calm, ambient lighting. I always have a vigil lamp burning at home while I am in labor, even when we head to the hospital.

Set up Icons and Prayers throughout the Space:

For me, my experience with labor and delivery is I labor both at home and in the hospital. Consider ahead of time where you plan to labor while at home and set up that room accordingly, or have a bag packed with items to bring with you to sprinkle throughout the room. I mentioned these recommendations above, but be sure to check out Emilia’s post for her Birth Affirmation Cards, Prayers for A Women in Labor, Prayers for a Woman with Child, and consider having icons of special saints in your life.

These special saints can be:

  • Your patron saint

  • Your child’s patron

  • Guardian angel icon

  • Icon of Christ or the Theotokos

  • Icon of The Birthgiver

  • Other special saints in your family

Surround Yourself with Familiar Smells:

This can be done in a number of ways. As I mentioned in my recommendations above, I love having the smell of holy myrrh, holy oil, or incense burning while I labor. See above for my recommendations. I also love beeswax candles (obviously these would be done in a home setting). You can use essential oils to help your labor. Or you might prefer familiar, homely smells. Whatever it is, plan to have some options available.

Host an Orthodox Blessing (or Ask Someone to Host for You):

If you’ve not heard of a mother’s blessing, you are in for a real treat! It’s a time for the pregnant mama to invite her close sisters to spend a quiet, cozy evening with food and prayer to carry her into her time of labor. This can be done in addition to a baby shower, but its a different than a baby shower. It’s a chance for the women in her life to slow down, pour out some love, wisdom and encouragement into the mama as she prepares for birth. You can read more about this special tradition and find ways to host it in your community at the link below.

Check out this Pregnancy Gift Set from Draw Near Designs:

After years of putting together these supplies for various friends/church communities, Draw Near Designs had the brilliant idea of putting together a “Pregnancy Gift Set” which includes many of the items I mentioned in my list. I was able to give my suggestions to them as they envisioned such a kit, so I am very thankful to them for offering this to our community! Be sure to check out their Pregnancy Gift Set and New Parent + Baby Gift Set available at Draw Near Designs!

Final Thoughts

Labor, birth, and the hours just after the birth of your child are sacred. As much as you are able, prepare ahead of time and invite the Lord into this sacred and holy time. Ask for His wisdom, guidance and strength! I also feel a strong connection with the Theotokos during this time of preparation, so ask for her wisdom guidance and strength as well. Again, as much as you can, safeguard this time and space for your labor to be as prayerful as possible, even the hours after the birth so that you can begin a new bond with your baby. I hope this list has been helpful in giving some ideas of what to include in your birth supplies. Of course even without all these things, we can certainly have a prayerful labor!

As I am writing this blogpost, my baby boy is nuzzled tightly in my womb and I too am preparing for his arrival. I covet your prayers for me and my baby as we prepare for birth. This will be my 4th labor/delivery and I pray once again for a beautiful and “uneventful” natural birth. I am amazed that God not only allows us to be co-creators with him, but he invites us to such a honor! Being a mother is the greatest honor and gift I’ve been given. I thank God he has entrusted me with these precious souls to mother and nurture and love.

Good Strength to you and your upcoming birth!

Khouria Destinie

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