Talking to children about death 💔
It’s very likely they will encounter death at some point in their childhood. It could be the death of a family member or grandparent, a beloved parishioner, sibling (miscarriage) or even the discovery of a dead animal perhaps. So how should we introduce these topics and ideas to our children to help them understand the reality that each of us will die one day?
In their short lives, my children have experienced quite a few deaths. Being an active member of our parish, they have attended at least 5 or more funerals, experienced the death of a grandparent, buried many animals they’ve discovered, and heard countless stories about the martyrs and saints who died for Christ. As a parent, I have had to walk alongside them during these difficult moments to help them grieve and process.
I wanted to share some ways we have begun to walk alongside our children as we teach them about death and dying. Please feel free to offer your tips in the comments so we can continue this conversation…
I first teach them about Christ - When my children are very small, we teach them about Christ and His death on the cross, and His glorious Resurrection. From as early as 1 year old, my children began to notice the icon of Jesus on the cross in our churches. By 2 years old, my children will begin to articulate what they see in the icon, and we affirm, “Yes, Jesus died on the cross” and I usually will follow it up with “He died on the cross and rose from the dead so when we die, we also will raise with Him from the dead.” This is foundational for any Christian to understand the hope we find in Christ. Death is not the end. It is our passage way to life!
Answer their questions as simply as you can. There is often a temptation to overly explain to children. We don’t need to do that. We can simply answer the question that is being asked. Each conversation you have is another layer in their processing and understanding. What is important is they know they can trust you and come to you with these big questions.
Always say what’s true, never lie. In these uncomfortable conversations we may feel tempted to sugar coat things so as to not worry or scare them. Or maybe you don’t know. Saying “I’m not sure. Maybe we can ask Fr ____?” is an acceptable answer. “What happens when we die?” This can often feel like a really big question. Again, never lie to your children. I usually respond “If you love God, and you’re a Christian, then you go to be with Christ in Heaven.”
Share in the comments what your advice would be in having these conversations with your children.